Sometimes I’m really surprised by how a company’s job description can totally alienate or ignore its audience, be redundant, contain silly mistakes/typos/punctuation mistakes, and ultimately sound ridiculous. So I thought it would be fun to TRY to make an existing job description even more ridiculous by turning it into that famously fun game of entering random words, fill-in-the-blank style. So grab a coworker, friend, or better yet someone looking for a process or analyst job and ask them to provide you with the answers. Have fun and feel free to post your funniest lines in the comments! Or just read through for a laugh. Happy Friday!
(Adjective Form of Country’s Name) (Type of Train)
This position will be in the (inane acronym, meaningless to anyone outside the company) Group within the (another acronym that is meaningless to you and everyone else who doesn’t work there) and will be (misspelled adjective) for:
- Real-time management of (something you find in an office) and service levels for the (adjective describing size) group of call centers
- Implementing and (Gerund aka “ing verb”) a daily dialing strategy
- Serving the organization in a consultative role in the area of (Title Cased, Important-Sounding but Questionable Buzz Word)
- Reporting performance of all business units to Business Operations management team on an/a (made-up or obscure hyphenated adjective) basis
- Managing (adjective that can also be a noun) flow between Operations, Short Term Forecasting and Long Term Forecasting teams, and Service Delivery teams to ensure service level and outbound dialing objectives are (passive verb)
- Ensuring all queues are staffed to cover (length of time) across the network.
- Monitoring (adjective) volume across sites and queues based on (another adjective) (adjective, same as first blank) arrival and (adjective, same as second blank) staffing levels across the network.
- Analyzing data and assuring (2 of the 7 deadly sins divided by a slash) of operational data produced including daily updates, events logs, commentary, and all reports (past tense verb) within the department.
- Communicating and managing any escalated issues that involve system (plural noun), routing (same plural noun as previous), weather related (same plural noun as previous), and other center impacting (same plural noun as previous) to all site operations (new plural noun) and (same plural noun as previous) with our partner centers.
- Acting as a (name of something found in a circus) between the sites, Forecasting teams, and Technologies team relative to call flows, call routing, CMS monitoring and other related issues.
- (Gerund aka “ing verb”) with other departments to communicate trends and feedback to facilitate resolution to real time (overused noun).